After my own heart!

Bird-watching essentials: A copy of Birds of the World, and Nikon Medallion S binoculars.

Bird watching is probably an unusual hobby in some circles and most people I know don't look at these animals quite as interestingly as I do most of the time. I am happy to know that I have been able to entertain some of my readers, followers, friends and family with my adventurous stalking of birds. I try not to bore people I meet by bringing up the topic, but I'm ever so happy to oblige when someone brings it up in conversation. Imagine my elation when none other than my dear sister-in-law, Rene, surprised me with a present to support my hobby. A Nature Guide catalogue of Birds of the World. Now I can get familiar with interesting birds even before I actually spot them in real life. Thanks to this book I'm more aware of the migratory birds that seasonally come through the forest regions in Cameroon, and I can keep an eye out for them. Some of them I've already spotted but haven't had the opportunity to take photographs yet. I'm ever so grateful for this very thoughtful present. Now my readers can benefit from my renewed interest in roaming about through overgrown bushes, orchards and forests, looking for colourful flying creatures. You are the best... Smooches :-*

Petit à petit l'oiseau ne dort pas dehors.

Preview photo from upcoming photography post: Chasing Sky Lights

When you get everything you want, all at the same time, it can be a dream and a nightmare all rolled into the same package. The saying goes that there is a time for everything and indeed there is, since we expect to get everything we want eventually. Things come to us when we try hard enough to get them, but like most pessimists, I tend to try several things at the same time, all of which I desperately want; expecting that neither of them is very likely to give, but at least one might! It gets really complicated when all endeavours, unexpectedly give at the same exact time. One is suddenly and anxiously juggling everything at once - which to say the least - isn’t handling it very well at all. There is such a time when one gets in over one’s head, battles to seem to have everything under control on the outside, while hoping everything will eventually fall into place once one gets the hang of it! It’s not a very good plan, but it sometimes works if one’s body decides to cooperate! It is a plan which always seemed to work for me. Until now, it did anyway.

Anxiety can be the stage upon which our bodies wage a fierce battle against our insatiable brains. While we ravel with glee at getting the things we want, things which we always knew we could handle, things which we are bound to get anyway; we forget that it is alright to wait. We can wait for a time when we can really handle things properly, and confidently. In our haste to proceed and prove that we are strong and capable, refusing to consider that we can wait for a better time, we often stubbornly take on too much. We attempt to juggle – and we do successfully for a time, until we falter as we surely must, and an all important piece comes crashing down like the headdress of the beautiful princess in a monenkim dance routine!

It can be frustrating when one’s body just refuses to go along with the plan, like a work-horse which decides to stay put and refuses to move another step. It is as disappointing as the partner who will not do his/her part – a most vital part of the very machine that works the plan. A plan that was wrought with deep troughs which I tried to overlook. A plan with high walls which knowing I’d jumped them before, I was certain I could scale them again. All I had to do was to build up the pace and keep it moving, while ignoring the throbbing in my head, the ringing in my ears, the constant racing of my heart, the twitching at my finger-tips and the proximity to which my anxiety was getting to hysteric levels - all the while - telling myself that I could do it simply because it had been done before and I clearly have what it takes.

For a person who tries to pay attention to healthy choices, I had been totally oblivious to the effects of stress and anxiety on my health. My tendency to over-analyse and worry about everything, puts my stress and anxiety level at a significantly high point. The overwhelming confusion that comes out of taking on ill-timed responsibility is immensely stressful. I’d been focused on too many goals and when they all landed on my lap at the same time, I carried on like I normally would, ignoring the aching, throbbing and twitching stress signals – until it all came crashing down. I got a major sign that said “calme toi”, and progressed into a mild complication. A reminder that my plate is already fully loaded now and I can have more only later. It is not always just about what we want and the sacrifices we make to get/keep what we want that make our lives successful and fulfilling. Sometimes, it isn’t up to just making a decision and winging it. Sometimes we take on tasks that we think we are equipped to handle, though it is often just the wrong time. It is easy to overestimate what we are capable of handling, getting overwhelmed and not realising it until our bodies subtly – yet unmistakably – remind us by shutting down the plan.

Dealing with feelings of unattained self-expectations torment me further, but with support from family, I'm trying to stay in the moment where I'm doing a good job, my balance is perfect and my health is no longer in jeopardy. There will be times when I will see or meet someone who is juggling all the things I want, and doing it all seemingly well. Of course there are people like that, but I'm not like them right now. Maybe when the time is right I'll still be able to have it all at once and overwhelmingly so, without breaking a sweat! For now, there are enough challenges and all I can do is to reaffirm my bearings like a lone bird in a deserted sky which finds it's way home little by little at the close of a storm.

It's just hair: A case for the full beard

Most people who don't have a beard are probably unaware of the varying opinions and perceptions people have about men who wear beards, or just the actual beard... most often negative... without much consideration for the person wearing it! Men's facial hair might not seem like a relevant enough topic simply because it is such a natural occurrence but people's reactions to facial hair is interesting and sometimes even puzzling to me. I can't actually grow a beard of my own... not yet anyway, but some of my male family members and most of my best friends happen to be men who choose to wear beards. They have me wondering why it is that people are so against the full beard. It may just be that since I experience people's aversion to my natural mane on a regular basis, I understand what it must feel like for men who, in an attempt to flaunt their natural masculinity, or better cope with the challenges of shaving (especially for men with afro-textured hair), choose to wear a beard. 

Contrary to what I've heard, when a man decides to stop shaving, it does not mean he is lazy, self-negligent or rebellious. Not every man can grow a beard and not everyone who can grow a beard can grow a full one.  Most men figure this out by the time they are 20 but usually, the ritual of shaving has started much earlier. Men shave for various reasons, but the most common reason is so they can maintain the social standard of clean-shaven baby soft faces... much like those of boys and women! Some men who are prone to skin problems associated with regular shaving find that letting some facial tuft grow eases their problems considerably. Other men just like to show off their natural physiognomy as a way of demonstrating healthy masculinity... much like a lion does!  Yet again others, choose to wear their facial hair cut in a variety of styles as an extension of their personality and/or self-image.

I have yet to hear an argument against facial hair that doesn't in someway, try to out-rightly control people and how they choose to look. I obviously love men with beards. I see them as confident statements of masculinity and I've never found one too "rough" or abrasive to kiss. It is true that some beards are a result of some neglect; it might say that a man is "down on his luck" and either can't afford to or doesn't care to visit  Sweeney Todd! The collection of beards I've managed to put together are no such beards. These are some of the most stylish men of our present time with Afro-beards. I decided to only do Afro-beards to highlight the issue of skin problems men with very curly hair have with facial hair and regular shaving.  Ladies, feast your eyes...

My all-time favourite beard belongs to no other person but American hip hop recording artist and actor, Lonnie Rashid Lynn, Jr. Better known as Common. I don't think I've ever seen him without a beard, and each time I do see him, I'm speechless...

Next up, is the perfectly stylish Allen Onyia. Co-founder of one of the most popular men's style websites upscalehype.com. His iconic  full beard is revolutionalising the image of young, successful and stylish men on social media.

Source: allenonyia.com

British rapper Patrick Chukwuemeka Okogwu, better known as Tinie Tempah, wears a cropped beard quite handsomely.

Source: Tinie Tempah

Keep calm and give us a smile Mr. Tempah!

There you go!

American rapper William Leonard Roberts II, better known as Rick Ross wears his beard like a Boss!

Usher who needs no introduction is looking very suave with his beard.

Tim Howard, goalkeeper for the United States football team during the recent FiFa world-cup tournament might prove to be the most memorable goalkeeper this year, not only for his excellent performance on the field, but also for that beard that had everyone talking.

Charles-Hubert Itandje, goalkeeper for the Cameroon national team during the world-cup may not be as memorable but we ain't mad at him and he takes the trophy for the most iconic Cameroonian beard only because I dare not nominate Alexandre Song... as bearded as he may be most of the time! Good on you Charles for showing up and doing your job...

Taye Diggs best known for his role on Broadway musical, Rent, but also for starring roles in movies such as How Stella Got Her Grove Back and The Best Man; looks debonair with his full beard and preppy ensembles.

Mr. sexy himself, Idris Elba wears his "silver-back" salt and pepper beard like a badge of honour...

Cameroonian rapper/producer Jovi, first got my attention with his lyrical flow in a blend of pidgin English and French. His talent and creative home-grown lyrics represents Cameroon beautifully on the African urban music scene. He must have heard I was doing this post and started growing a beard! Na bie-bie no bi poto-poto (It's just hair, it's not dirt)... :-)

I don't know who this guy is, but he looks gorgeous with that beard so I've thrown him in to further reiterate my point. Now I forget what my point is... haha ! Nice...

I'm sure all these men look just as stunning with clean-shaven faces, but they do with beards as well and maybe even more so. Regardless of how they choose to portray themselves, a little or a lot of hair on their faces, it's all very fine by me. If you can think of any iconic and stylish beards, please leave a comment. If you don't see beards in quite the same light as I do, leave a comment and let me better understand your side of the argument...

Natural hair-care: Three years into my minimalist approach.

Rocking twist-out on 3 years natural hair growth while soaking in the Cameroonian sun... In the shade mostly!

Twist-out on 3 years natural hair growth

Outfit

White asymmetric button front tank - H&M (old)
Green/ecru print shorts  -  Zara (similar)
Nude leather crystal encrusted ankle-strap flats  -  Next (gift)
Silver hoop earrings with braid motif -  Unknown (gift)
Silver bangles - Accessorize (old)

This month is my 3rd anniversary of starting the natural hair journey. I have not been very keen to document my hair-care because quite frankly, the way I go about it is rather basic and there never seems to be much to talk about.  I did an introduction and rundown of my minimalist attitude towards natural hair-care a year into it here. I've pretty much stayed faithful to a simple routine and 3 years into it, I haven't had a reason to change. I've managed to retain 15 inches at the longest point, though I went through a period of obsessive trimming. I've now decided to only trim once every six months.

My routine falls into these four sections of care: Protective styling, moisturising, detangling and washing while paying attention to hair and scalp needs. I've discovered this routine works really well for me, considering my lifestyle and personal preference.

Protective styling:

Medium two-strand twists

Now that my hair has gotten longer, I find that I can't easily manage wearing it out as much as I used to and I tend to live in two-strand twists, ranging from mini ones and medium ones, to Jumbo ones.  After a wash and condition, I usually put my hair in twists right away. The size depends on how much time I have to work with. When I don't have a lot of time, I usually go for jumbo twists and leave them in overnight. When I can find some time the next day or whenever, I gradually undo the twists and re-twist them into smaller sections (great for finger detangling and a chance to moisturise between washes). I really like two-strand twists because they never feel too tight on the scalp, they keep hair stretched thus reducing tangles, and they are very versatile... I found that while I have twists in, I can still do all sorts of pinned up-does for dress up, or high untidy buns.

Jumbo twists styled in an up-do

Medium twists pulled into a high bun. My everyday style.

The last time I got braids put in, I only had them in for about a week. I've always had a difficult time dealing with the discomfort of braids with extensions and I've noticed some hair loss along the hairline when I've had extensions. I no longer braid my hair with extensions as a protective style. I can't say I'll never do them again, but I might try putting them in myself if I decide to wear them again.

Jumbo box braids a la Poetic Justice

When I do wear my hair in twist-outs, I always pull all the hair up into a high puff before I go to bed at night. This keeps the hair stretched, prevents tangling and prolongs the twist-out for a few days.

Second day twist-out on 2 and a half years natural hair growth

Moisturising:

Coconut oil and Naked Style's Little Miracle leave-in conditioner

Aside from using a moisturising conditioner after shampooing, I always use a leave-in conditioner and a natural oil like coconut oil, olive oil, Jamaican black castor oil or palm kernel oil. I try to spritz water and seal with oil on particularly hot and dry days between washes. The rainy season is in full gear now so I've gotten even more lazy and hardly spritz at all. My morning jog or a walk to the corner store is usually enough to get a little drizzle into my twists.

Detangling:

Re-twisting damp natural hair after shampooing, conditioning and moisturising with oil and leave-in

I've found that in order to retain the hair that is always growing, I have to be gentle. I wash my hair in twists so detangling is even more simplified. I hardly ever comb my hair anymore and just use my fingers to detangle. When I use my fingers I can feel where a knot has begone to develop and I take extra care detangling it or cutting it out with scissors. I only detangle on wash days when my hair is moist and I try to pick days when I have time and don't need to rush over my hair. When I do run out of time, I just pull everything up into a puff of some sort (both twisted hair and loose hair together), till I have more time, then I spritz with water before I continue detangling. I detangle each twist and re-twist into bigger, smaller or the same size two strand twists.

Paying attention to hair and scalp:

Garnier Fructis' fortifying shampoo and TESemme's nourishing moisture conditioner for naturals

I soak my scalp in diluted apple cider vinegar for ten minutes before each wash

It is important to keep hair clean, paying attention to hair and scalp needs while avoiding styling practices that can damage hair. I wash, condition and moisturise about once a week. Sometimes when I get really busy, I push it into the second week when I can find the time. I try not to leave it for too long as I have a problem with itchy scalp and regular washing with an apple cider scalp treatment gives me enough relief for about a week.

Hair-care bad habits:

I read all those natural hair-care blogs and watch a lot of videos, but for the life of me, I can not believe how disciplined some women are with their routines. I happen to have two bad habits that I can think of. I mean some real don'ts, such as:

-I don't wrap my hair with a silk scarf or cover it with a bonnet before I go to bed. I can't seem to keep them on through the night and I'll be damned if I'm going to wake up in the middle of the night to turn on the lights and go looking for the scarf that has migrated from my head to who-knows-where! So I might be loosing valuable moisture and causing more tangles by not covering my hair when I go to bed.

-I don't deep condition regularly. When I have done it, it has been more for the benefit of relaxation after a long day, with soothing scented ingredients like coconut oil and honey. The thought of something like bananas, mayonnaise or avocado in my hair just makes me think of how much longer I have to spend in the bathroom trying to get it out.  

Hair goals:

My goals for the next year are as follows: To fix this problem with the scarf at night. I should be able to make a few satin pillowcases. Deep condition more often. I will be reading up about deep conditioning to find the best combination for my natural hair. I hope to grow at least 4 inches in the next year and I think some slight adjustments might help in that aim. I'm presently looking for a remedy for itchy scalp that will actually work. If anyone has tips, I'll be very grateful if you can leave a comment. 

That's the run down of my 3rd year of natural hair-care. What is your approach to natural hair-care? What are your product/styling preferences? What are your goals and how do you plan to achieve them? Sharing our individual tips for successful natural hair-care makes for continued fun and enjoyment on this journey of self-discovery. Information from all the talented women who share their different stories online, a lot of patience and a little bit of experience have helped me embrace my own natural hair more fully. My advise to anyone who is just starting out is to try and figure out what works for your own Afro-textured hair, keeping in mind that your hair does not have to look, feel or behave like anyone else's. It is very easy to feel discouraged by having expectations that are based on standards that are not realistic for one's own hair. Just because your hair does not do what A or B can do does not mean that it is not perfectly fabulous. I know it is very encouraging to find people with similar hair texture who are totally rocking their do. If you can't find anyone who's hair is similar to yours, then maybe you can fill in that gap and help others like yourself if you begin to share your own story. For some people, it takes time to get comfortable with wearing hair naturally, but once you find your own potential, all you have to do is... Enjoy...

Stand up for yourself.

My children stand up for themselves and speak up. They do it especially when they want something like a treat, or when they don't want to do something like going to bed early. I've noticed that when it really matters to them, they don't just grumble, they actually put together an argument which urges me to see thinks a little clearer from their perspective. Most of the time it doesn't work, but every now and then, I get a case that is actually good enough to win them some sweets or an extra hour of cartoons. Most children are naturally self-assertive. It seems to be part of an inherent survival instinct that seems to say one should strive for that which one knows to be good and beneficial for oneself. The problem is that children have no peripheral vision and are rather blindsided to the bigger picture when they insist on getting their daily caloric needs from eating only chocolate, or waiting for you by the front door with their swimsuits in their hands while it's raining and thundering outside because "you promised to take us swimming today"! So they try, they learn and their horizon broadens.

By the time we become adults, we usually have learned from various interactions through school, work, family and friends to formulate our own personal premise, but many adults give up self-assertion and become passive in order to maintain relationships. It is important to note that there are different ways of standing up for oneself. The least favourable being that which portrays one as aggressive and confrontational. Not every battle needs to be fought and those that need fighting also need proper timing and proper tact. How do you pick your battles then? You start from within... by asking yourself the right questions. How does this make me feel? How important is this to me? Am I justified? Once you know where you stand, don't worry too much about the outcome.

Here's a scenario, a few weeks ago, my sister and I took our kids to see a dentist in Douala. The service was a surprisingly professional standard and a stark contrast to pretty much every other customer service we received in the city on the same day. At a boulangerie, the cashier plainly refused to serve me because she claimed she did not have change for my 2000Fancs CFA note bill. There was no one else in queue besides my sister and there were two women behind the counter, the cashier and another who seemed to have just woken up from a casual doze and was standing there in front of a stack of wrapping paper. It never crossed her mind that she would only actually have something to wrap if she took the customer service initiative to go and find some change. It seems I've become quite passive because though I was shocked, I stood there a little too long, money in hand, with a frustrated look on my face, eyeing the wrapping paper girl as if she would eventually read my thoughts. When the cashier said "next", my sister proceeded to give both employees a piece of her mind and a lesson on how poor customer service gets you little or no business. She gave them the option of getting change or loosing the opportunity to make two sales. Unfortunately, many employees here simply don't care and these particular two just stopped speaking all together, so we had no choice but to carry on to another store. I got a lesson on standing up for myself and a reminder that when your instinct tells you that a behaviour is wrong and undermines you, when you feel you are justified, being passive may seem to help avoid a conflict, but it also helps perpetuate the continuation of that behaviour. The only way to even hope for a change is to speak up.

Another scenario happened a couple of months ago. One evening, I joined my usual hangout gang at a born house (a ceremony to celebrate the birth of a child) and turned down the palm wine I was offered because I was driving (I normally don't turn down sweet palm wine). I proceeded to drink a warm pamplemouse and watch the women do the traditional singing and dancing that is expected at such an occasion, the kind that brings on lots of embarrassed giggling. Within a few minutes I noticed three little boys... they looked about 4 or 5 years old, they were drinking something out of white plastic party cups. Once each one had emptied his cup, they proceeded to an old lady who seemed to be guarding a keg of something underneath here chair. She poured each boy a good drink and I was shocked when I noticed it was palm wine. I brought it up with my companions, not sure if the woman was drunk at the time or out of her mind for serving very young children alcohol! The response I got was, "...this is Fiango and you don't know those children. If their parents don't seem to care, why do you want to make it your business"? That stopped me from proceeding further with my protest, but it bothered me a great deal. On the one hand, I was thinking "something is completely off about this and shouldn't be happening at all irrespective of what country and what neighbourhood I'm in". I felt justified, but I was forced to reevaluate how I felt and ask myself how much relevance my feelings had in that particular instance. What impact could I effectuate in a situation where no one saw things like I did? I backed down and felt really bad for it, but I learned that not everything I disagree with is my fight. If I try to make it mine, I have to be ready to encounter a lot of hostility I'm not ready for. I've decided I'm very ready to be labelled as being confrontational when it comes to my children, and I probably already have been, but I have to learn to take a minute before I tell other people how to raise their children.

Unlike my children who have not yet mastered the art of self-censoring, I am burdened with the duty to fully understand my own polemics in every instance where I feel the need to stand up for myself. Standing up, if it does nothing else, forces people to "check themselves", so to speak, reminding them that one is not a pushover and one is justified in one's own right. It forces people to step aside from polemics for a moment and emotionally reevaluate their position and whether or not they are being fair. It is easy to stand up with people who already understand and respect your argument, people who may not agree with you, but are able to compromise or back off completely because they value their relationship with you as well and they understand not to overstep certain boundaries that you have the right to. For everyone else, remember that you're more than likely not going to win, but giddy up anyway because it is your right and you really don't want to be the one rehearsing what you SHOULD HAVE said in the bathroom mirror the next morning! Take a load off and stand up for yourself. I do not do it to undermine anyone or to deprive them of their right. A lot of the times when I do it my voice might be shaking, but I do it anyway simply because it has to be done and I'm the only one who can do it for myself.