Friday, 21 February 2014

Awakening to being a woman in Cameroon.


It's been just a little over a year since I moved back to the country I've always called "home". Haven grown up in Cameroon, my adult experience here now adds up to two years all together, not counting short holidays. I can presently say that this is in fact a permanent move since I have no plans of moving again in the foreseeable future. Kumba, Cameroon has truly become "home" once more for me. I have now adjusted, sometimes with a little resistance, to the way of life here. I've thought about writing up a list of things I like and don't like about my experiences in my home country. I realized the list goes on and on about mundane experiences that are only relevant to me personally. I finally decided to write about only those issues or topics that I'm naturally passionate about, since strong emotions add great fuel to a writers fire! Today, I'd like to share my overall experience of "awakening" to being female in Cameroon.

The reason I'm using the word awakening is because my experiences and the feelings they've stirred in me are quite new to me. I've been left with an amazement... sometimes positive, other times negative, at this curious realization that in this world that I currently live, I'm not just a person anymore... a citizen with access to equal opportunity, equal consideration and equal delivery expectations. I'm having to relearn anew, how to be a person... a female person in the Cameroonian context.  Here is an outline of a few curious scenarios:

Women can't drive. Not properly anyway! I remember reading an article which proposes that there is scientific research to back up the theory that women are naturally challenged at both operating heavy machinery and driving anything, owing to our poor hand-eye coordination and sense of orientation (in comparison to men of course, not apes)! I never really thought about it much, mainly because no one had actually ever said anything to that effect in my face before. Now, I get yelled at, mostly by motorcycle taxi drivers, and male drivers, who never fail to express their road rage by reminding me that women have no business behind the wheel. Now, I consider myself a very good (and I should mention "careful") driver. I even took a defensive driving class once to help lower my car insurance rate! I have noticed that when I happen to be riding in cars driven by men, they get hardly any of the road rage that I and my sisters get on our busy streets everyday, and they carelessly break road safety rules constantly. It gets even more annoying when people assume I don't know how to park a car and say "Hmmm its a woman", and hold their breath watching intently, anticipating that they might have to step in and parallel park! I am now always conscious that I am perceived as being inadequate, or less capable; at least as far as driving is concerned, because of my gender.

A man is the natural head of a family. The law, religion and traditional customs in Cameroon dictate that a male human being, particularly a husband... regardless of how able the wife happens to be, is always the natural head of the family, the primary decision-maker and the primary provider of the family. Equality on this issue is considered blasphemous and hazardous to the stability of the home. I can't remember how many times I've heard the word "submission" being used to define a woman's position in the matter. It's been explained to me a couple of times, but I just can't get it, partly because I'm not religious to begin with, but also because up until now, I'd been completely unaware that any limitations I might have in decision making, and my current lack of employment and ability to be the bread winner were solely as a result of my gender.

I am fascinated by the fact that men readily (some grudgingly though) shoulder the financial responsibility in the home even when their wives work. I met a man in a provisions store who needed advice on his purchase of baby formula. I was surprised that he was only getting one can and I assured him that it wouldn't last more than 3 days. He became quite long in the face over the cost of formula and grumbled about how women just don't know how difficult it is for men since they are the bread winners and sole providers. There were 7 people living in his house and he had to provide for school fees, uniforms, medicines, food (chop money). He couldn't even remember how that number of people came about since he only has one child, a baby, with his wife. I asked him what about women who have babies, work, take care of their families and equally contributed to the family's financial needs. He asked me "where does that happen"?

A woman must know how to cook. It's been put to me in casual conversation that a woman who can not cook is considered inadequate. This is a position held by both men and women here. A man is not required to have this skill because once he marries, his wife must and will know how to cook. I always used to think that as a rite of passage into adulthood, all humans should know how to cook and know how to change a tire. Now I know that since my gender is female, the later doesn't apply to me!

Male violence and or aggressive behavior towards women. Violence against women is too readily dismissed. I'm always surprised when on hearing that a man has beaten or verbally abused his wife or girlfriend, it is still very common to hear "she must have done something wrong. What did she do"? Police and other law enforcement officers are known for brutalizing women when they are off-duty. I'm aware that my safety, right to fair and decent treatment can very easily be in jeopardy simply because of my gender

An imbalance in productivity expectations. It is considered that women; especially married women with children, are unable to be as productive at work as their male peers. It is quite common to hear men complain about having to cover for their female peers who regularly do not show up for work due to commitments at home. When managers turn a blind eye to women's absenteeism due to their gender and what that entails in their home life, I might be tempted to think this should be a welcome advantage for women. At a job interview, I was asked how I intended to juggle my family with a position that required my full commitment. Regardless of how experienced, qualified and well suited for the job I happen to be, I began to see that my gender and family status puts me at a disadvantage as employers assume I naturally won't show up for work. That I won't honor commitments at work because I'm a woman with children.

There are other random scenarios. One day, my daughter asked me "mommy, can men wash clothes". I guess she'd never seen a man wash clothes before. I answered "yes baby. They all can but somehow it always gets done by their wives, girlfriends or teenage daughters". "But why"? She pressed on. "It's a silly way in which women show that they care". I responded. "Can't women just buy ice-cream instead"?! "I'm sure they can, but someone will still have to do the laundry"! "I like washing clothes", she says. "Great, you won't have a problem there"!

It's only been a year and I am adjusting to this new found awareness. Maybe it is in fact true that I am rubbish behind the wheel and didn't know it till now. Maybe it should be a welcome advantage that working wives are quietly swelling their bank accounts while they "submit" and let their husbands assume the roles of the all important heads of the family. Maybe a woman's cooking is ultimately better for the family as she might uniquely be really good at taking into consideration, the nutritional needs of each individual. Maybe all the violence towards women only happens to those women who really break the law and deserve it somehow. Maybe women really shouldn't be expected to show up for work when their children fall ill or they run out of groceries in the middle of the week. Maybe women should only be considered for jobs where the men are willing to do all the work for the same pay. Maybe I'll eventually adjust to the point where it no longer bothers me. Maybe I was always meant to feel like this... a woman, and this inferiority complex I'm experiencing is just temporary. On the bright side, everyone here is equal on the matter of cold beers. Women are even encouraged to keep up with their husbands because if a man drinks and his wife does not, the mood imbalance doesn't work out really well for them when they get home! As they say "when in Rome..." and in due time this awareness too shall pass!


  1. This is such an interesting blog. From my perspective of a British woman living in UK and married for 20 years.
    I think a cultural shock is going to happen however which way you move in the world. I remember clearly feeling a huge culture shock moving from Cyprus to UK my so called Home.
    While a lot of what you mention sounds in the extreme in Cameroon, driving sounds horrible and violence is of course never ok. A lot of it goes on here in UK too such as male attitudes to female drivers, The man considered the head of the family in all legal/official situations, I still find it annoying that Dan is considered "lead traveller" and I am referred to as Mrs D ********, when my mother did this I was so sad. She named me! on the other hand as a very happy and contented stay at home mother with a good long marriage, I do believe there are traditional roles, with whatever modifications you both need to make a partnership work, works well in a loving marriage. Most men do feel fulfilled by providing, it is a deep rooted need they have as much as women are often deeply maternal and a softness and yielding on the woman's part, at times is beneficial to both partners in a marriage. of course if a husband was struggling, out of love and duty a woman should step up and help pull the cart, so to speak.
    As in Victorian Britain and today, Couples have always worked out what works for them behind the closed doors of their home, many Victorian Husbands who loved their wives would help with chores, it's just not very documented as it was a private exchange between the couple. So by a slow process of feeling your way, couples create a balance of labour that works for them, in sickness and in health.

    1. You're right Fay, couples do work out what works best for them within their homes in the end. It's for the very same reason why I don't believe in gender roles. I know men whose enthusiasm and abilities at "mothering" rival those of most women... including myself. Their children would miss out on an excellent experience if they give in to stereotypical gender roles. If I'm the designated cook, for instance, I've never assumed it's because I'm a woman but rather because I'm better at it, I enjoy doing it and I'm paranoid about what's going to end up on my kids plates. If what works best behind closed doors is not dependent on preset gender roles, why do we propagate them in the first place?

  2. Word!
    In regards to women supporting their husbands, it's sad but I did witness another woman insulting,and throwing disgusting remarks that a lady in question, who was supporting her husband while going through a hard time. So the insults come from both Men and Women when it comes to a wife supporting her husband financially. That's why the husband said in which house? Even if the money is coming from the wife, he wouldn't want to admit.

    the society mindset at times to me, is that women to have the best grades in school but note that you wouldn't contribute to the society but breed babies.
    They don't seem to know the purpose of a woman.
    Unfortunately this isn't only in pays, but here also abroad. I complained to a Cameroonian guy that am being bullied. Being not the first Cameroonian guy to give me this response, you haven't met a guy that will handle you.

    Besides I retorted to the Cameroonian guy that in this country this isn't tolerated. I will report the bully to social service.
    shuwww I don't need those people in my phone book.

    My take will be, that we should know our purpose, love our selves and know that we got power.
    I can't remember the African country where the women sex starved their men for peace in their country. I think it's Liberia.
    If only we work together as women, we would achieve greatness and stop these nonsense. These men want to stroke their egos fueled by the evil lies.

    p.s there are some men who understand the plight of women. Sometimes it's peer pressure they say! keeping the Macho man image. At the expense of.....

  3. Thanks J, you brought up some interesting pointers. There are so many ways in which barriers are put on women in our community. Most people are still hip to those conservative standards, but I'm hoping for a reform eventually. Unfortunately, it's too slow, but speaking out and connecting with others who are equally keen on this change will help better identify those disadvantages that need to be addressed for the benefit of women and hopefully society as a whole...


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